Rocky Top

Rocky Top always brings you home. 

Last week we loaded up the car, and I do mean loaded, kidnapped our oldest neice and nephew and pointed the car South.  We were headed for a whirlwind tour of the hot spots in Tennessee.

In true HollySarah fashion we cram packed our schedule, err, I mean vacation.  Yeah.  Ok, so yes, there was a schedule.  And at times it was tight, I’m not gonna lie.  The 6:30 AM wake up calls were a bit much for the college folks among us. 

Our first stop….none other than good ol’ Rocky Top!  A stop on The Hill, a first for Sweet Sarah, Taylor and Cal.  And it did not disappoint!

Neyland Stadium was wide open for the taking and Thompson-Boling practically rolled out the red carpet.  True story…we were walking down on the floor level of the arena, back by the locker rooms and the storage rooms.  At least three times, one of us muttered, “do you think we should be down here?”  And just as we came around a bend there were some workers cleaning, which caused one of us to sneeze.  Ummmm, you guys!  The workers apologized for stirring up dust while we were down there.  Red Carpet, I tell ya!  [Pretty sure Pat told them we were coming.]

Not bad for a snap in a moving car

Their first shot on The Hill [we drove up]

I think I just convinced them to transfer

Mecca

A lifelong Bronco, now converted to a die-hard Vols fan too!

I wasn't kidding!  Pat told them I was coming.

Pretty sure the heigh difference is real, people.

If this doesn't give you chills.....

From Knoxville we headed to Chattanooga for a few days of exploring, capped off with white water rafting the Ocoee.

A little back story…..when I was in third grade my paternal grandparents moved back to Tennessee to retire [they had moved to Ohio after the war for work].  Needless to say I spent many a summer in Tennessee, to say nothing of the holidays and mid-year trips with my parents to visit.  [oh yeah, have I mentioned my parents would throw three bean bag chairs, a cooler with bologna sandwiches and their three kids in the bed of a pick up truck and head on down the road to Tennessee for eight hours?  Yep.  They did.  Ok, ok, so there was a cap on the truck, but STILL!  Was anyone else ever subjected to this poor man’s mode of travel?]  Anywho, in spite of the possible transit traumas, I grew up always knowing I’d live in Tennessee.  And, sure enough, my first job out of graduate school was in Jackson.  [cue Johnny Cash].  Now, if you’ve ever driven through Tennessee, it’s impossible to not pass at least half a dozen “See Rock City”, “visit Ruby Falls” signs.  Now multiply that by many, many, many trips and living in this state and it’s just plain ridiculous I’ve never seen Rock City or visited Ruby Falls!

All OVER Tennessee.

Aaaannnnnd, that explains why it was FIRST on the agenda our first day in Chattanooga.  We played uber tourists by purchasing the Triple Play pass- the Incline to Lookout Mountain, Rock City and Ruby Falls.  I’d recommend them all if you get a chance.  But an official survey post trip ranked Ruby Falls in the top five activities by 3 out of 4 respondents.  Lookout Mountain was my favorite of the three.  Just beautiful!  I could’ve spent hours up there.

Rock City is a really amazing place.  It has everything that I love about visiting a place, hiking, amazing views and being able to be outdoors.  Unfortunately, we were a bit tainted on Rock City by the ridiculous amount of gnomes planted, displayed, creeping, hanging, shadowed, spying, lurking and nearly museumed [yes, I know that’s not a word] every where at this place.  Dear Lord.  Gnomes are the clowns of the garden world. Why?  Why do people insist on these creepy things?  Why?  Anyway, it kind of tainted our view of Rock City, even though it shouldn’t have, but MAN!  Oh, the gnomes!

This is the beginning of the Incline.  We took it all the way to the top. Pretty cool!

Taylor was excited.  Cal, well....not sure what's going on there.

Sweet Sarah....she was NOT excited.  But ever the trooper

It's so steep you look out the roof at eye level.

The view from the top.

Ready to explore

Heading to the view

I decided to hike up from the river.  Just arriving here.  :)

Cal spotted a football field from the top

One of my favorites.

Time out for Taylor 

A selfie on the edge of Lookout. 

 Ruby Falls...

Inside the cave

A formation that looks like a "donkey headed south"

Here she is.  Ruby is beautiful.

I missed getting the falls in by ONE second.  The lights turned out on us.

Rock City.....

It's tight.  But wait 'til you see Fat Man's Squeeze

Heights and Swinging Bridges...Sweet Sarah isn't a fan.

Face Rock

The Seven States.  Do you see the rain rolling in behind them?  It came a gulley washer within minutes.

Post Rain.  The view from Lovers Leap at Rock City

Imitating their father

here is Fat Man's Squeeze

We rounded out the day with a night at the ball game.  There’s nothing more pure than minor league baseball.  It was a beautiful night and we saw some great ball.

On our third day we headed out for a little history lesson.  We spent about three hours at Chickamauga Battlefield.  It’s rich with history and landscape.  The coolest thing was a self-guided audio car tour.  The NPS always impresses.

We went to the top.  Ummm, my calves are still sore.

The view from the top

We saw this a lot on the trip

We finished the climb and came down.

Then…..we did a little shopping.  BOOT shopping.  Both Taylor and Cal wanted to be booted up for our trip to Music Row.  I think the quote of the evening went something like, “ok, I want boots that say country boy meets suburban Waterville”.  Anyone know what that means?  Yeah, we didn’t either, which would explain why we were in the Boot Barn for an hour and half watching him try on, no lie, at LEAST 35 pair of boots.  NOT LYING ONE BIT HERE.  Meanwhile, his sister had picked her boots in the first fifteen minutes of our visit.  Holy cow!!!!!!  And here’s the thing, you guys, it wasn’t like he was doing his own thing and we were just perusing while he decided.  Oh, no, no, no.  That would’ve been enjoyable.   Reasonable, even.  Nope.  Cal thought all three of his posse should help him and bring him boots as if his throne and crown were the little stool/mirror combo.  Sigh.  After sunset and two pair of boots we headed to dinner. 

Had to make sure they tried Moon Pies and Sun Drop

Sweet Sarah LOVED them both!

Up bright and early Thursday morning for our rafting trip.  HOLY COW IT IS WAS EARLY!  While there is no photographic evidence that we actually rafted, I have a sore bum, a few bruises from said nephew falling into me and an ear that is still full of Ocoee water for proof.  We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect trip down the river.  We were the first on the river and the only raft in our group with a guide that had been making a living for 24 years on the back of a raft.  He was great!  Put us through the Class IV rapids expertly---a little edgy without dumping us.  [Aunt Holly was too cheap to buy the pictures, though they were great!]

I took this post trip.  Water logged.

The next group heading out

From there we loaded our water logged selves, into the car and headed to Lynchburg---home of Jack Daniels. Aaaaannnndddd, apparently every other Tennessee tourist decided to do the same thing that day too!  It was packed.  But the free tour was worth the wait. While I don’t drink whisky, the tour made me wish I did, if only for the pride of being a JD drinker.  It was a pretty cool place. 

Lynchburg will never be the same

He was beyond excited to be here.

What a handsome young man!

They burn this sugar maple wood to distill the whisky....this is what makes it Tennessee whisky

That blue can contains whisky.  They use it as the fire starter

Jack Daniel on the rocks

The safe JD kicked, which eventually led to his death

Downtown Lynchburg for a Moon Pie break

Here’s a holy crap fact:  Jack Daniel’s pays $8 MILLION in taxes every….wait for it, wait for it, wait……….every TWO WEEKS!  In the humble  words of our tour guide, “if you want to stimulate the economy, drink more Jack Daniel’s whisky!”  Man, oh, man, I’m in the wrong business!

Without any free samples in our system, a box of Moon Pies from the General Store [Sweet Sarah has found a new favorite!] we headed north to Music City.  We ventured out to Music Row for dinner and a little live music.  And apparently, so did every other Tennessee tourist! It was packed.  But, of course, that always makes it more fun and interesting.  Unfortunately, Aunts Holly and Sarah were showing their age and we headed for bed around, ahem…..ten.   Don’t judge!  Not nice.  Hauling around two college kids and keeping them busy, busy, busy is hard work.  Don’t judge.  Ok, you can judge.  I don’t care, nor apologize.  This girl needs her sleep.

Our final day we hit up the Country Music Hall of Fame.  Let’s just say in our official post-trip survey, it didn’t make the Top Five list for any of the four respondents. 

We were also thrilled our cousins and their new babies were willing to meet us for dinner.  The babies are beautiful and it was fun seeing them as parents.

Nothing like family!  Look at those cute babies!

And….for the grand finale……..A night at the Grand Ole Opry. Oh, yes.  You wanna win big points with your niece and nephew, plan to have The Band Perry and Carrie Underwood at the Opry the night you’re there.  Yep, that’s right.  We’re THAT good.  Ok, we’re not really.  Good timing and luck ever be on our side.  [Thank, goodness!]  I tell you, there’s nothing like live music.  And Carrie Underwood….well, the girl’s got some pipes!

See those boots???!!!!  Two beautiful young adults!

Super excited!

So I mentioned the post-trip survey, if you ever traveled with me, you’ll learn there is always the “what was your favorite part of today?” dinner question, rounded out by the post-trip survey.

This trip’s survey: List your top five favorite things, followed by one thing you’d change or do differently and you can’t say Rock City [the gnomes dropped Rock City to the Rock Bottom of everyone’s list pronto!]

Here are the unofficial, as best as I can remember, corrected to be accurate by Sweet Sarah:

Taylor:

1.     Grand Ole Opry

2.     White Water Rafting

3.     Ruby Falls

4.     Jack Daniel’s

5.     Lookout Mountain

Do differently: no changes

Cal

1.     White Water Rafting

2.     Grand Ole Opry

3.     Jack Daniel’s

4.     Ruby Falls

5.     Music Row

Do differently: Stay out later on Music Row [I may have failed to mention above, said nephew is 19 years old and was unable to get into any of the bars.  So staying out later would’ve meant…….???? We’re still unsure.  But he still thinks we should’ve stayed out later.]

Sweet Sarah

1.     White Water Rafting

2.     Grand Ole Opry

3.     Ruby Falls

4.     Jack Daniel’s

5.     University of Tennessee

Do differently:  As always, Sweet Sarah is sweet. And has no changes.

Holly

1.     Grand Ole Opry

2.     Lookout Mountain

3.     Chickamuaga

4.     Jack Daniel’s

5.     White Water Rafting

Do differently: Make a stop at Tootsie’s.  How did we miss Tootsie’s?  See parenthetical comments in Cal’s list

Good Ol’ Rocky Top.

Rocky Top Tennessee.

Rocky Top Tennessee.

California 2014

Due to amazing timing and an Air Flight employee who was up to her eyeballs in overbooked flights mumbo-jumbo, Sweet Sarah and I scored SIX FREE ROUND TRIP FLIGHTS last year.  Yes, you read that right.  6.  SIX.  S-I-X.  Yeppers.

So it went down something like this......my mother in law and quotable father in law [and when I say quotable, picture said FIL and dad from S%$T my dad says as long lost brothers] met us at the airport at a ripe 7:30 AM for our flight to the annual Northcraft family reunion.  Upon checking their suitcases and meeting us at security with a beach tent they were carrying on [yep, not kidding],  he promptly demanded to know if we were ready for a drink.  I'm pretty sure someone reminded him we hadn't even had breakfast yet, to which he replied, "Well, hell.  You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning!"  Touche, Jim. Touche.

Fast forward through two screwdrivers and a VERY chaotic boarding call, when low and behold like manna from heaven I hear "Ladies and Gentleman, this flight is overbooked.  If you're willing to take the next flight, I will give you two round trip vouchers."  A mere thirty seconds later, the same flustered, frazzled, shoulda been drinking with us Air Tran employee announces, "Ladies and Gentleman, once again, this flight is overbooked.  If you're willing to take the next flight I will give you THREE round trip vouchers."

Without haste, I turn to Sweet Sarah and announce I'm leaving her.  Well, not leaving, leaving.  Just that I'm taking the offer and I'll see her on the flip side.  And here's when it happens people.  Sweet Sarah is no longer Sweet Sarah.  nope.  Not at all.  When Sweet Sarah puts her foot down.  She PUTS.  IT.  DOWN.  She says, "oh I don't think so!"

"Oh, yes, I am!  It's THREE vouchers!  FREE!!!"

"Oh, no.  Only if they give us both vouchers."

And then, like sweet manna from heaven, the same frazzled desk worker "I can hear you ladies.  Get up here.  I'll give you both three free tickets."

SCORE!!!  Meanwhile, Jim and Judy are compliantly boarding the flight.  We wave our goodbyes and BAM!, so begins our free year of vacations!

We've been to Denver and Florida.  And for our last trip we headed out to California to see my sister and her adorable family.

The Gedney clan recently moved to an adorable little gold mining town in the foothills of California. And by adorable, I mean...well, lookit.

See!!!  And to say nothing of the fact that there are NINE tasting rooms on Main Street.  [Surprisingly, we only made it to three!]

We had a great few days with the Gedneys.  I'll let the pictures tell most of the stories, but here are the highlights....

• Breakfast at a cool little place called Element on Main Street
• Wine Tasting with John and Amy
• Feeding baby goats by bottle
• Cheering on Gus in two baseball games
• Having a 4H Gold medal winner present a highly interesting cheese demonstration for us by special request

At breakfast.  A beautiful picture of Amy

My sweet niece, Elle

Gus, the growing nephew.  What a great smile!

The Gedney clan at breakfast.  I love this picture.

Wine tasting.  Our first stop.

Enjoying Main Street

Another shot of this adorable town

Elle has Aunt Sarah wrapped around her finger.  Ice Cream?  of course!

Feeding [and cleaning] of the baby goats

Post dinner cuddling

Full belly napping

Playing in the All Star League

Already looking like a teenager

The Gold Medal Presentation

Cow, Goat or Sheep Cheese.  They are all different, according to the expert

Serving us up

Runner on third

Why, yes.  Yes this is posted on the dugouts.  No joke! 

Two beauties!

Dad, seven things I would tell you

That Mercy Me Song, When I Finally Make It Home,  gets me every time.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck and tell him that I've missed him
And tell him all about the man that i became and hope that it pleased him
there's so much i want to say
there's so much i want you to know.

[chorus]
When i finally make it home
when i finally make it home.

It also always make me wonder, "what would I say to my dad right now?" ....what will I say to my dad?

It's certainly hard not to be nostalgic and a little bit sad on Father's Day [ok, this is the part where I'm really honest and recognize that any sense or implication that Father's Day was a big deal in our family is totally only being romanticized as part of  the grieving process.  Does it clear it up if I tell you I still have an unsigned Father's Day card in my box of cards because I never got around to sending it EIGHT YEARS ago?  And you know what?  Pretty sure if I remember correctly Dad didn't care.  So yeah, nostalgic only because every other blessed commercial for the last week has been about dads, NOT because we held a big shin dig every year and my dad was totally into it, hugging us girls in his pleated khakis and just relishing the time we were spending together as a family.  Nope.  uh-huh.  Think more along the lines of Archie Bunker in his chair, glad that we were home, but irritated if we got too loud and he couldn't hear the tv.  

Right.  Ok, now, back to my sappy moment.  

So, if I were given just even thirty minutes with my dad here are some of the things I might say......

1.  First, WTH!!  I'd be lying if I didn't say that first. I mean REALLY?!  Ok, no seriously, I know this wasn't your plan to leave us so early and so unexpectedly.   But REALLY?!!!!

Sheesh.

 Sigh. 

Ok. 

I have these moments every once in a while since you've been gone. Ok, give me a sec. I'll get it back together. 

Let's move on. 

2.  Next, you've done a bang up job with the Tigers from up there. They've had a couple of great seasons [well, except for 2008.  What happened?  Did you get a little too cocky up there or what?]  Or were you thrown off because George Kell was sick?  Nevertheless, keep it up.  I'm a little worried about their longevity this year.  Do you think this guy can manage in the post-season?

3.  Mom.  She's doing great. I known you're not surprised by this, but still. It's worth saying out loud.  I mean, as you know, most women couldn't handle this....luckily she's not most women.  Don't get me wrong, she still has her moments and her days. But overall, she's doing great.  She's finding her way.  And yes she's still as stubborn as ever, but that's probably the trait that has kept her putting one foot in front of the other.  Looking back, I'm still amazed at how she has persevered. [she is still looking for the left-handed guy though]

4.  My sisters?  Oh yeah, they're doing great too.  They are amazing mothers, devoted wives and incredibly successful professionals. While I think they are both lamenting how fast their kids are growing up, they are both so proud of what beautiful, caring engaging human beings they have brought into this world.  You'd be proud to know they've implemented the "blood is thicker than water", make everything a competition and you'll love baseball because you're a Spann mantra in all of the kids.

They both are starting new careers and I tell you, the people that hired them knew they had rock stars when they interviewed because they were snatched right up. Yep, I know. You'd expect nothing less. 

5.  Those grand kids?  Oh those beautiful  grand kids!  There are so many wonderful things to say about them. They're funny. They're kind and they, of course, have God given natural athletic ability.  Pretty much they look like you out there on the field.  [though they don't look like they're hauling a caboose around.]  They miss you though.  Seems strange that you've missed so much of their growing up, yet they have many of your traits.

6.  Ok, this might be more of a question or a statement.  Either way, if it isn't true don't ruin it for me because it really does comfort me.  Just grin and nod if it's not true or own it anyway because then the next time it'll be even better.  So those deer that I always see when I'm thinking about you or the mounted patrol that came clip-clopping down the street as we ate on the sidewalk patio last night at dinner, how is your timing so perfect to send them right when I need it?  I mean, sometimes I don't really need to be crying on the way to work and all, but it seems like every time I'm thinking of you or missing you, BAM!  there's Bambi along the side of the road.  Anyway, again.  Just grin and nod or take credit.  Because it works. 

7.  Sweet Sarah.  Oh, Dad.  I wish you could have met Sweet Sarah.  [yeah, yeah, save the lawyer jokes]  She's smart and funny and patient and kind.  She makes me happy.  And bless her heart, she can balance me like no one else.  You'd like her, eventually you'll be able to look past the fact that she's a Yankees fan [but I'm breaking her of that].  Give me some time [another Tigers World Series Run wouldn't hurt.  Hint, hint.]

Dad, we all miss you.  A lot. 

Do you remember in your last hours when I was whispering in your ear "I just want you to be proud of me"?  I never knew if you really heard me or not, so I'll say it again.  

"Dad, I just want you to be proud of me."

Happy Father's Day.

Random Thoughts.

4.  I'm sitting in a car dealership and I'm fascinated by how people are entertaining themselves while waiting.  One woman....a COMPLETE art gallery setup.  Apparently she's planning on being here through July.

a.  Who watches these daytime shows?  I mean really.  Do you think tv hosts that have mid-day shows feel like they are the books in the alcove of Barnes and Noble on 82% discount?

b.  Someone needs to invent a "it's trying to be spring because the sun is bright but it's really only 36 degrees so these shoes will be perfect" shoe.  You guys, it's awful.  Flip flops are too cold.   Other shoes are too hot.  How do you solve this issue?  Socks with flip flops?  I'm close to that.

IXII.  So 40+ days ago we went vegetarian for Lent.  I haven't gone back and I don't miss the "other side".  Never thought I'd say that.  But MYGOODNESS it's really true that some restaurants haven't figured out how to create a menu for non-meat eaters.  

2.  I'm still eating fish.  Does that count?  What does that make me?

g.  Rachael Ray just got a round of applause for taking corn off of the stove.  I think Sweet Sarah should start applauding me when I pull things off of the stove.  Yes, yes, that's a brilliant idea.  If you're at The Drayer when I'm cooking, pay attention and cheer/clap A LOT!

68.  I'm still at the car dealership and considering wondering around the showroom and slowly, lurkingly walking up to each car.  Opening each door on EVERY car and leaving them open.  Then slowly walking away.  How long until they notice?

iii.  oh!  A better idea.  Maybe I'll start wandering the lot and try and sell some cars.  Just walk up to customers as if I'm in the sales department.  "What brings you out today?  Excellent!  I can help you out with that.  Let me grab some keys."   Act like you know what you're doing people!  You can pull anything off.  Hang on, I'm being paged to the sales desk.  

6.  Just  because it's THE number.

99.  I can't currently think of 2 songs with the number 99 in them.  

Ok, that's enough from this wandering brain.  I've got to deliver a car and sign off on trade-in papers for the Wilsons.  Their super excited about the deal I got for them.  I probably should've checked with someone, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

I needed this snow

Ok, I admit it.  I'm as annoyed as anyone about this snow.  I mean, SNOW?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  It's mid APRIL!  HELLO???!!!!  Is there anyone out there listening to us? We are ready for this madness of being stuck on the inside of a snow globe to stop.  Just stop already!!!!!!!!!!!  Stop it.  STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!

Yep, that's what I was thinking this morning.  And then WHAMMO!  As I was calculating in my "I grew up where I can get anywhere in 15 minutes head and this city traffic is impossible" what time I needed to leave because of the snow it hit me.  Things will be slower today.  Snow always slows things down.

Sigh.  Yeah.  The snow is slowing things down.  

For weeks, ok, months, I have been dreaming and fantasizing and plotting and planning and talking about what I'm going to do when spring arrives.  I mean, for real, I cannot WAIT!  I'm so excited to get outside and play and garden and myrtle in our newly renovated yard.  It's going to be bliss.  

But today, the snow is changing all of that.

As well it should.  And we should.  We who celebrate and honor and remember Holy Week.  WE should slow down.  We shouldn't rush it.  

Imagine, being told this was it.  The last week of your life.  Would you rush to the bitter end, hurry up and finish, yeah, yeah, yeah you're way through conversations and tasks and hello/goodbyes?  

I don't think so.  At least I wouldn't.  

Oh, no.  Like the last cookie Girl Scout cookie in the box, one tinsy bite at a time.  I'd chew and savor and take my own sweet time getting through it. 

But no!  What have I done?  All I've done is tried to get to the other side.  Binge and purge my way through what remains of this wretched season because I'm done with it.  And ready for something new.

Right out of grad school I decided I wanted to take up gardening.  I was living in the south at the time, so any bit of gardening wisdom I had gleaned weeding my mother's and grandmother's Ohio flower beds applied little.  The plants were different, the seasons were different and well, quite frankly, I really wasn't all that interested in it, only so much that I didn't pull a flower as a weed so I didn't get in trouble.  [I still struggle telling the difference between sprouts of coreopsis and a weed].  Thankfully, a sweet woman I worked with too me under my wing.  She gave me an entire garden full of plants.  FREE!!!  I couldn't believe it.  I felt like I should offer to pay her, but deep down didn't want to because I knew I couldn't afford it.  Begrudgingly I asked her how much I owed her.  She grinned and said, "Holly, these were either going to you or the trash."  My first lesson in perennial gardening in the south. Flowers ARE LIKE WEEDS!  

Near the end of my second season, I trudged over to her office very frustrated.  Some of my plants were dying and I couldn't figure out the reason.  I diligently explained the situation.  Type of light, amount of water, verified the plant [I think I may have even brought her a sample].  She grinned and said, "Holly, plants don't live forever.  It's part of being a gardener, making way for new by removing the old."  Another lesson in gardening.  I am not God and can't give eternal life.  [though to this day I still try diligently, just ask the houseplant that's down to one little stick on our side table.]

Another lesson I was reminded of was after my first season.  Following the winter [mild where I was living at the time], my garden mentor asked me if I had walked my yard yet to look at tall of the new growth and to see what had survived.  Since we had only had a few weeks of nice weather it hadn't occurred to me to look around yet.  She grinned and said, "of all the seasons in my garden, this is my favorite.  Immediately following winter, I am giddy with anticipation to see what the spring will bring.  Plants need winter.  They rest and slow down their growth and rejuvenate.  It's such an exciting time."

Our exciting time is coming.  Soon, we will walk our yards and look for new growth.  We will see  what the end of winter has brought and the warm sun of spring will bring forth.  

But this morning, I'm wondering.....my pushing through Lent and check, check, checking off the 40 days, only to be confronted with what now appears to be adding up to now 2 inches of snow on my hyacinth sprouts, I needed this snow.  

I needed this snow.  There, I said it.  Sorry to all of you who are grumbling and cold and frustrated.  

But I needed it.  Today, I needed to be reminded that it IS indeed Holy Week.  A week that we, all who see the cross as more than a pretty piece of jewelry, must slow down and savor.

"It's Friday, but Sunday's a-coming"  Nay, "It's snowing, but Sunday's a-coming"

The Drayer woes and text humor

This morning as we were getting ready for work we heard this awful scratching sound coming from behind the bathroom wall. The infamous Teddy was NOT happy about it and quickly made his presence known (this the cat that makes a beeline for the basement when he hears the doorbell)

The following is a text conversation between Sweet Sarah and myself letting her know I scheduled an exterminator.  I can hardly see to type because of the tears. So funny. And yes you should feel sorry for Sweet Sarah. 

The convo goes on. But this is the gist. 

Hope this makes you laugh on a Monday. 

One foot in front of the other, Mom

Right after my dad died, someone said to me, "It'll get easier."  And I remember simultaneously thinking, "well, let's just speed it up." and "NO! NO!  STOP THE WORLD.  If it gets easier I'll forget."

It's true.  It has gotten easier.  In some ways.  My memories with and of my dad are still very strong.  His one-liners and sayings are alive in well in the Spann family, which always evoke a smile or a laugh or a groan.  But in other ways, it's not easier.  Sometimes, I still have a really deep, raw grief.  It usually comes over me most unsuspecting, like a pop-up summer lightening storm.  Out of nowhere.  Powerful and striking and demanding attention.

Other times, it's a slow, lingering ache, mostly when it hits me that he's never coming back.  Never.  You'd think I wouldn't need to be reminded.  But I guess that's what grief does.  Or is.  A reminder of what was, what isn't, what won't be.

Every year at the anniversary of his death, I take time to make space and remember and honor and give thanks for him, his gifts and legacy to me and my family.  And each year I've taken time to write about him.

This year, I'm thinking and remembering him.  And I'm writing about my mom.

…………………………….

In the moments when my spirit knew before my heart and mind knew what was about to happen in the next hours, my sub-conscious was already trying to process.  The memory is planted in my mind plainly.  I know exactly where I was while I was barreling down I-75 to pack a bag and return back to meet my mom and sister.  When I left the hospital the plan was to get some dinner and go back in the morning.  But somehow, somehow, my spirit knew those were the last words I would hear him say to me.  "Thanks for coming, Holly".  I was focused on driving, fast.  Get there.  Get back.  But why?  Why the rush?  We hadn't been given bad news at that point.  Get there.  Get back.  Get there.  You're too young to have to worry about your parents.  This shouldn't be happening.  Get there.  Get back.  My poor mom.  Oh, mom.  Oh, my mom.  Get there.  Get back.  Mom.  My spirit knew.
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Mom,

What has been six years for us, has probably felt like a lifetime for you, or a moment, all at once.  In those six years you have taught me so much.

No woman ever dreams of waking up on her 40th wedding anniversary less than 24 hours past making the "until death do us part" real.  But you did.   You put one foot in front of the other and made it through the day.  And then the next and the next.

We, my sisters and I, have grieved for dad.  You already know that.  He's missed so much and has been missed so much.   Always a missing place at our gatherings and celebrations.

Mom, we've grieved for you too.  Plans blown to pieces with one last breath.  Dreams of a retirement and traveling and golfing and enjoying years and years of hard work and sacrifice gone before you could process the reality.

Like parents of school children, we've been saddened to see friendships lost because you're no longer a couple. We've stayed awake waiting for your text to make sure you made it home safely, like you did for us not too many years ago.  We've seen you heal and grow and move through all the stages of grief and back again.  Yet, you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Proudly from the sidelines we have cheered you on as you've dipped your toe in the waters of new friendships and hobbies and, yes, even dating.

For six years, your courage, sometimes roaring like a lion, more often, gently, daily putting one foot in front of the other.

Anyone who has met a Spann daughter knows you and dad raised strong, confident, brave, courageous women.  We confidently (sometimes a little too confidently) make it known that there isn't much  from which we are going to back down.  I can picture dad, even today, with swollen pride taking full credit for the confident women we have become.  And you.  You quietly let him take the credit.

Mom, you have faced your fears and tried new things and made new friends and along the way you've taught me so much in these six years.  We are so proud of you.  And Dad would be too.  That crooked little grin of his, saying, "Baby girl, I knew you could do it."

What I've really learned in the last six years, is that it was you, mom, who deserved the credit for our ability to keep going.  One foot in front of another.  Head up and confident, even when we didn't want to.

Keep stepping mom.  There's not much from which you're going to back down.  One foot in front of the other today.  And tomorrow.

We're still cheering you on.

Love you,
H