Anywho, moving on.
We're coffee snobs in such a way that we make special trips to Trader Joe's to buy our coffee en bulk. [nothing worse than running out of said coffee at The Drayer!]
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| Crack in a Can!!!! Get you some! |
And we're coffee snobs in such a way that we have a ridiculously expensive coffee machine [yeah, kinda negates my rude comment above about the 401k distribution, huh? well, don't judge.]
Mmmmmkay, back to me!
So a few weeks ago, just before going to bed I ran down to the basement to retrieve another can of crack, I mean coffee. I immediately found myself standing on a wet basement floor. [insert appropriate response here!] It was 10:30 PM and that's really not what you want to find at that hour. I quickly realized it was coming from the CEILING!
Now at this point you should know the kitchen faucet had been seeping water for quite some time. You know the seep.....turn it on and it just ever so slowly weeps at the joint, runs down the handle and makes a puddle that constantly needs sopping up? Yeah, that kind of seep. One easy gasket replacement away from dry deck.
I open the cabinet doors below the sink and EVERYTHING was soaked. Standing water beneath the sink. SIGH. I quickly realized that it wasn't the faucet that had taken another step towards its doom. Alas, it was the RO System. It was drip, drip, dripping very steadily from the inlet tube.
So, what's a girl to do but contort herself under the sink, turn her head ever so slightly to get past the garbage disposal and try and tighten the tiny little nut to make the dripping stop. [Did I mention it was 10:30 PM?]
As SOON as my fingers touched the tubing it came losing, immediately releasing the five gallon reserve tank on me in a steady stream! Nooooooo!!!!!!!!! I ran downstairs to turn everything off, yelling at innocent Sweet Sarah the entire way down the stairs. [I have NO idea what I was yelling. She had no idea why she was being yelled at!]
I grabbed a wrench and once again forced myself passed the garbage disposal and under the sink. Once I got under there I realized my arm was about three inches too short to actually be in a position to fix the problem. I would need to remove the garbage disposal in order for me to get up in the cabinet. [have I mentioned I'm claustrophobic?]
And then.......then.... I decided it was TOO late and I was TOO tired to start a plumbing project. Once we got everything dried up and fans blowing.....we went to bed. I was headed out of town the next day for work and so this little project would have to wait.
But I do recall Sweet Sarah suggesting...."well, since you're going to pull the garbage disposal out, we might as well replace everything anyway, don't you think?" [delivered with the ease of a woman who has years of plumbing installation projects under her belt. Yes, she's sweet and no she doesn't have plumbing experience]. "I mean, we don't like the faucet, the sprayer isn't even mounted correctly, the garbage disposal is really on its last leg......don't you think it makes sense?" [delivered with the convincing tone of a woman with a professional sales career. Yes, she's sweet and no she's not in sales.]
And now.....now you know where this story is going, right?
If you've been living in Northeast Ohio this past winter/spring, you know we haven't had the best of spring weather. [just make a mental note of this as its a critical part of the story]. Also note, that I pretty much become a six year old when the weather is nice.......do NOT, I repeat, do NOT make me stay inside. It's like grounding me. Worse.....like, well I don't know what, but if the weather is nice I want to be OUTSIDE!!!!! [Also, note....I always, and I mean always have a Spann Plan. ALWAYS.]
Now at this point in the story I feel it's only fair to define my level of plumbing expertise. I know enough to be handy around the house----replace a commode, fix a leak that's NOT behind a wall, I installed our RO system, etc. But by absolutely no means could I get a job as a plumber in the event my sales gig falls through. In other words, thanks to my father and some very good, kind and patient friends I know the basic rules of thumb of plumbing.
Fast forward to the first Saturday morning after the ROleakingintothebasement debacle. The Spann Plan included:
- Breakfast on the way to Lowe's, no time to linger the forecast was calling for 75 and sunny!
- Lowe's
- Plumbing repair and installation
- FREEDOM to myrtle in the yard however I wanted!!!!!! [FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!!!!!]
We buy a new faucet, matching RO faucet and a new garbage disposal.
We're home by 9:00 AM.
Garbage disposal removed by 9:45 [no, no. settle down. it didn't take that long to remove the garbage disposal....I had to gather tools, drink another cup of coffee and get set-up. sheesh! give me some credit!]
RO faucet removed.
Sprayer removed from sink.
Sweet Sarah opening new faucet box and preparing to move to next phase of project.
And then......THEN?????
Well, what ensued thereafter I have tried mostly to block from my memory....but I'll give you some of the highlights.
First.....remember the Spann Plan and the spring weather? Yeah, well.....throw that out the window. And extend the plumbing project to EIGHT full hours, SIX of which were spent on my back. [four of which were spent losing my salvation in verbal assault of those who came before me below the sink!] Add in FIVE trips to Ace Hardware and you have the makings of a nearly ruined Saturday.
So now you're getting the picture. What should've been a 2 hour plumbing project on a Saturday morning, followed by a rewarding "I completed another project" lunch was not to be.
Somehow at sometime, someone place a wicked hex nut in a position that was a mechanical impossibility to remove. Now......before you go judging me, take into account I brought over the next door neighbor who has restored his entire house on his own. --"Well, ladies, I think you're screwed!"---a direct quote. And consulted TWICE with the Ace Hardware Expert---on the second trip, upon showing him a picture on my cell phone of what I was working with...."Who the hell would do something like that?"
Let me show you.....
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| Here's my view.....See that little hex nut up there? Yeah. Also note the lack of space for any sort of tool to get leverage. |
Once the neighbor relented that his machisimo alone wasn't going to fix his "neighbor ladies" problems I did what every home improvement person does when they get stuck......GOOGLE.
A basin wrench, that's what I needed. Off I went to Ace, Sweet Sarah, as I was walking out the door, "You planned this didn't you? Just so you could get a new tool." Honey, if I were to get a new tool it would be something cool like a compound miter saw or back-ho or something. Not a basin wrench.
Basin wrench purchased---I bought the biggest one they had.
Within seconds of folding myself back under the sink it become apparent the basin wrench was not going to work. It was too small. TOO SMALL??!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS CAN'T BE!!!!!! IT'S 75 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET THIS STUPID NUT OFF OF HERE!!!!!!! [by the way, yelling tends to echo when you're under a cabinet]
Back to Ace I went. That's when the friendly manager said, ""Who the hell would do something like that?" Followed by, "You're going to have to cut it off."
This CLEARLY was not in the Spann Plan.
Upon returning home and seeing my furrowed brow and generally mad as a hornet's disposition, Sweet Sarah asked, "do we get to use the dremel yet?" [at some point not too long ago I introduced her to the dremel. Consequently, she believes deeply in her heart that every project should include some dremel work.]
"Yep it's time to dremel. AND use the sawzall."
Oh, yes people. The story has suddenly taken an interesting turn.....a dremel AND a sawzall!
Now I know what you're thinking, "Man, most women couldn't handle that." Well, luckily, I'm not most women. You may also be thinking, "Holly, you should've called. I know exactly how to fix that problem." Well, again....I'm not most women. Because you see, my friend? Now, it's a competition. Me versus the sink and I. WILL. WIN.
So here's how the rest of the story goes.....
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| Several cuts in to the nut. And 16 cutting wheels, which Sweet Sarah dutifully replaced like a trained surgical assistant. [one of the five trips to Ace included purchasing another package of cut-off wheels] Note there are not any horizontal cuts. Why? Oh, well, because that would have been too easy for me to just move the dremel into a different position and get right to it. No, no. What fun would that have been? Instead, I prefer to work in spaces in which I can only use a tool in one direction. You should try it! |
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| This is actually my view as I'm dremeling. Pretty much fishing in the dark hoping to make progress. Meanwhile, all of the debris from the cutting is falling directly onto my face causing me to look like a Kentucky Coal Miner at the end of the night shift. |
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| Getting closer. Salvation lost. Neighbors have poster For Sale signs and the locals have been detouring the cute children on tricycles three blocks around our house for hours. |
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| I know, I know....not flattering at ALL! But can I score some sympathy points? SIX HOURS, PEOPLE!!!! [When I asked Sarah why she took this picture she said, "I thought you'd want to remember this." pffffft!] |
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| Enter Sawzall. Do note the delicate backsplash and granite I'm attempting to not damage with a sawzall. |
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| VICTORY is mine. Victory is mine! Bring me all the finest bagels in the land! Feel free to zoom in here and note the disaster on the counter! PS-the wine was NOT consumed during the duration of this project. |
Sheesh!
Needless to say, the rest of the project was a piece of cake.
Install RO faucet. Check.
Install new Faucet. Check.
Install garbage disposal Check.
Check for Leaks. Dry as the Arizona desert. BAM!
Order take out. Check.
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| Here's Sweet Sarah after she successfully removed and installed the garbage disposal flange. If you look closely you can see the new faucet and RO faucet. A beauty, eh? |
Just another day at The Drayer folks.
Real coffee snobs would've called a plumber.....
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