What I learned planning Surprise Date Night

A little over a year ago, I decided I would make a commitment to plan one date night a month, the details of which would be a complete surprise to Sweet Sarah.  I came up with this idea as I was thinking about the things that are important for me to be deliberate about in my life.  And one thing I know about myself, I'm inherently selfish with my time and interests.  By the grace of God, Sweet Sarah is just the opposite.  She easily goes with the flow, willingly agrees to whatever shenanigans I've cooked up and rarely has an agenda when there is free time [THAT's where the polar opposite comes in.  I always. always, always, always, have a plan.]

Once I made this commitment, told Sweet Sarah about it, posted it to this blog…well, I was pretty much all in.  I set about making a list of possible things we could, see, experience, explore, visit, etc.  I kept a running list on my phone as I came across things that might work for us.  Oh, that's right.  I had a  PLAN!  Of course, I had a plan.  Come on.  Are you surprised?  And yes it was in my planner, need you even ask?  [Sweet Sarah, little did you know you could've opened one of our shared apps on your phone and revealed the entire world of SDN!]

Here's a quick recap of our Surprise Date Nights:

December: Traditional, dinner and a movie

January: Gourmet in the Garden at the Cleveland Botannical Garden

February:  Wine Tasting at Blue Canyon

March: Virtual Golf Double Date with Sweet Sarah's parents

April: House of Blues dinner and folk artist

May:  Baseball Game at Akron Aeros

June: Ales on the Rails Beer Tasting on the CVNP Railroad

July: not so much a surprise, but an amazing trip to Europe [we had a date every night!]

August: Drive-in-The Big Lebowski [Sweet Sarah's favorite movie and how Ski got his name]

September:  Ok, this is bad.  But neither Sweet Sarah or myself can remember what we did this month. Does that mean we didn't do anything?  Or we DID do something and it was so unremarkable, that we have since forgotten?  Oh dear…..take note, dear friends:  When attempting this maneuver at home please use caution and take a lot of pictures.  

October:  Chopped Kitchen @ The Drayer

November: Eiffel Tower Dinner and Jersey Boys in Vegas

Along the way and looking back, I certainly learned a few things in this intentional practice.

One of the most obvious lessons is that we enjoy a lot of different things…..wine tasting, movie watching, symphony, baseball game, making our own cooking show, golfing and for that I'm thankful.  I have always enjoyed a spectrum of interests and I always, always worried that my future wife wouldn't enjoy the same things.  But again, God clearly knew what he was doing giving me Sweet Sarah.

I learned that when I'm intentional about creating space for us, as a couple, the week that was behind us, no matter how bad, easily slips away.  And the week[s] that is ahead of us, somehow is always easier, simply because we've carved space for us.

Now back to the list.  Anytime I ran across something I thought would make a good SDN I'd throw it on the list.  Then, when it came time to plan each month, I'd refer to my list and voila, things were much more simple.  So there I was cruising along, when, I believe, it was some time in April, as I was perusing my list.  April---climbing wall.  Sooooooo, there's this really cool indoor climbing wall close to our house that I'd been wanting to try for a long time.  And since we were still working around the winter weather….not quite warm enough to be outside, not cold enough to be hunkered down.  I thought this was a GREAT idea.  [Have I mentioned Sweet Sarah is afraid of heights?]  I went about planning the details for this night.  It was going to be fun and adventure and something we hadn't ever done.  Well, I had done a climbing wall before, but we hadn't done it together.  And I was pretty sure Sweet Sarah had not been on a climbing wall before.  What was it she said to me when we discovered said climbing wall?  Hmmmmm, what was it?  Oh yes, I think it went something like, "Sweetie, if you want to do that go right ahead.  But theres no way I'll be climbing that wall." [ok, ok, so I'm a little slow] Anywho, back to ME!!!!!  So there I was planning the details, basking in the gloriousness of my creativity when……WHAM!  It hits me.   This isn't about me.  [again, slow on the uptake people.  Please refer to my third sentence of this post.  mmmmkay?]  Surprise date night, isn't about getting to do the things I want.  Surprise Date Night is about planning time that Sweet Sarah will enjoy where we can spend time together.  And that changed everything.  Pretty quickly, my amazing list was cut in half.  And you know what?  I was ok with it.  To be honest, I think I was just grateful to have learned the lesson before it was too late.  Before we were in the middle of me half-way up a wall, suspended by a caribeener, looking down 45 feet to the floor, while Sweet Sarah graciously cheered me on an opted out.  [Now, who knows maybe she would/will love it.  But this is not a way to find out.]  This is an important lesson to learn about being actively engaged in marriage.  I couldn't just add to my list because I thought something was fun or would be enjoyable or because I wanted to experience the event.  I had to intentionally and continually ask, "Is this something Sweet Sarah would think is fun or enjoy or want to experience?"  By learning to invest in what's important or interesting or fun to my spouse, I can love her better, find new ways to appreciate her, see her in a new light and learn more about her.  And that made all the difference in Surprise Date Night.  The joy wasn't just in the night itself, but it became very satisfying to approach the planning through this new paradigm.

The joy is in the giving.  Sweet Sarah enjoyed the anticipation of the date, nearly as much as the date.  Seeing her smile and get excited leading up to the night always made it more fun.

Even the best laid plans…..well, there were some glitches along the way.  An event that was to include dinner but provided a measly appetizer, which left me scrambling for dinner plans in the middle of a horrific Lake Effect Snow storm after 8PM.  Forgetting to take pictures [not only for the blog, but clearly we need it for our lack of short term memory!].  Suffering from what later turned out to be a needed gall bladder removal which took the fun out of a few dates.  And how about this doozy…..are you sitting down?  Planning a cool evening with a local folk artist at House of Blues that coincides with an S&M Conference and Concert in the other venue of House of Blues.  Oh yeah.  Picture it.  Sweet Sarah and me walking through the front doors only to look around and see scantily clad leather and chains dressed men and women.  We, outfitted in our winter coats, jeans and sweaters, were quickly pointed to the other entrance, only to find ourselves seated next to conference attendees for our dinner.  Yep, PRICELESS entertainment value.

A year of Surprise Date Night was certainly a highlight of our 2013.  So much so, that Sweet Sarah has decided she will be the planner this year.*  I can't wait!  I'm trying to convince her to be a guest blogger after each SDN, but my negotiating skills aren't quite as up to par as said esquire.  I've got some time though.  Stay tuned.

And finally….this is an idea that must be stolen.  Throughout the year I was surprised by how many people told me what a great idea SDN is and how they wished they did something similar.  Well, guess what people? You CAN!  You SHOULD!  Do it.  You will not regret it.

*2014 Surprise Date Night Update:  Due to 2014 Polar Vortex 2.0, surprise date night for January was postponed.  We'll keep you updated.