Dad, seven things I would tell you

That Mercy Me Song, When I Finally Make It Home,  gets me every time.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck and tell him that I've missed him
And tell him all about the man that i became and hope that it pleased him
there's so much i want to say
there's so much i want you to know.

[chorus]
When i finally make it home
when i finally make it home.

It also always make me wonder, "what would I say to my dad right now?" ....what will I say to my dad?

It's certainly hard not to be nostalgic and a little bit sad on Father's Day [ok, this is the part where I'm really honest and recognize that any sense or implication that Father's Day was a big deal in our family is totally only being romanticized as part of  the grieving process.  Does it clear it up if I tell you I still have an unsigned Father's Day card in my box of cards because I never got around to sending it EIGHT YEARS ago?  And you know what?  Pretty sure if I remember correctly Dad didn't care.  So yeah, nostalgic only because every other blessed commercial for the last week has been about dads, NOT because we held a big shin dig every year and my dad was totally into it, hugging us girls in his pleated khakis and just relishing the time we were spending together as a family.  Nope.  uh-huh.  Think more along the lines of Archie Bunker in his chair, glad that we were home, but irritated if we got too loud and he couldn't hear the tv.  

Right.  Ok, now, back to my sappy moment.  

So, if I were given just even thirty minutes with my dad here are some of the things I might say......

1.  First, WTH!!  I'd be lying if I didn't say that first. I mean REALLY?!  Ok, no seriously, I know this wasn't your plan to leave us so early and so unexpectedly.   But REALLY?!!!!

Sheesh.

 Sigh. 

Ok. 

I have these moments every once in a while since you've been gone. Ok, give me a sec. I'll get it back together. 

Let's move on. 

2.  Next, you've done a bang up job with the Tigers from up there. They've had a couple of great seasons [well, except for 2008.  What happened?  Did you get a little too cocky up there or what?]  Or were you thrown off because George Kell was sick?  Nevertheless, keep it up.  I'm a little worried about their longevity this year.  Do you think this guy can manage in the post-season?

3.  Mom.  She's doing great. I known you're not surprised by this, but still. It's worth saying out loud.  I mean, as you know, most women couldn't handle this....luckily she's not most women.  Don't get me wrong, she still has her moments and her days. But overall, she's doing great.  She's finding her way.  And yes she's still as stubborn as ever, but that's probably the trait that has kept her putting one foot in front of the other.  Looking back, I'm still amazed at how she has persevered. [she is still looking for the left-handed guy though]

4.  My sisters?  Oh yeah, they're doing great too.  They are amazing mothers, devoted wives and incredibly successful professionals. While I think they are both lamenting how fast their kids are growing up, they are both so proud of what beautiful, caring engaging human beings they have brought into this world.  You'd be proud to know they've implemented the "blood is thicker than water", make everything a competition and you'll love baseball because you're a Spann mantra in all of the kids.

They both are starting new careers and I tell you, the people that hired them knew they had rock stars when they interviewed because they were snatched right up. Yep, I know. You'd expect nothing less. 

5.  Those grand kids?  Oh those beautiful  grand kids!  There are so many wonderful things to say about them. They're funny. They're kind and they, of course, have God given natural athletic ability.  Pretty much they look like you out there on the field.  [though they don't look like they're hauling a caboose around.]  They miss you though.  Seems strange that you've missed so much of their growing up, yet they have many of your traits.

6.  Ok, this might be more of a question or a statement.  Either way, if it isn't true don't ruin it for me because it really does comfort me.  Just grin and nod if it's not true or own it anyway because then the next time it'll be even better.  So those deer that I always see when I'm thinking about you or the mounted patrol that came clip-clopping down the street as we ate on the sidewalk patio last night at dinner, how is your timing so perfect to send them right when I need it?  I mean, sometimes I don't really need to be crying on the way to work and all, but it seems like every time I'm thinking of you or missing you, BAM!  there's Bambi along the side of the road.  Anyway, again.  Just grin and nod or take credit.  Because it works. 

7.  Sweet Sarah.  Oh, Dad.  I wish you could have met Sweet Sarah.  [yeah, yeah, save the lawyer jokes]  She's smart and funny and patient and kind.  She makes me happy.  And bless her heart, she can balance me like no one else.  You'd like her, eventually you'll be able to look past the fact that she's a Yankees fan [but I'm breaking her of that].  Give me some time [another Tigers World Series Run wouldn't hurt.  Hint, hint.]

Dad, we all miss you.  A lot. 

Do you remember in your last hours when I was whispering in your ear "I just want you to be proud of me"?  I never knew if you really heard me or not, so I'll say it again.  

"Dad, I just want you to be proud of me."

Happy Father's Day.